We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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