Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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