Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
