i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
