I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
