Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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