The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
