You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
