I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
