Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
