I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
