Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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