the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Drunk is not a location!
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
