last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
