Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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