Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
