Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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