You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
