I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
