so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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