just tell him i said nine months
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
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Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
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Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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