my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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