Who wears a wallet chain?!
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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