i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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