life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
