I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
