I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize