I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
