The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
