Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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