haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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