college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize