my sisters under your porch take her home
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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