she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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