batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
