You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
