I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
