So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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