As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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