You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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