i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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