Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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