Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
