Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
