She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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