I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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