Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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