What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Randomize