In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
