ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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