Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
