Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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