I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
It's not a walk of shame if you run
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
