Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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