Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
