Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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