he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
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