I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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