wrigley field is MILF paradise
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
