You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
