you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
