I wish they made helmets for livers.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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