I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
