Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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