Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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