I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
