HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
My breasts were aching with rage.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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