The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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