he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
