pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
