I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
