I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
