I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
