Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Randomize
